Archive for the ‘Expat life’ Category

Would You Buy A Used Domain From Drew Noyes?

20 April 2012 Leave a comment

Domain speculation is a fine thing; invest 5 or 10 dollars a year in hopes that the value of your domain will skyrocket and you can cash out with a nice profit. Of course there are many things that can poison a domain, especially if it was formerly owned by unsavory persons engaged in problematic practices. There are a lot of factors involved in determining the value of a domain. This post is one of them; the internet never forgets.

Fear not, each of these links below takes you not to a server owned by Drew Noyes but to a respected third-party domain information service called DomainTools. This space wouldn’t send you to a server that wasn’t the most reassuring… most Drummonded… never mind.

This first group of Drew Noyes domains at least pretends to have something to do with his day-to-day life in Pattaya. Or at least the life he pretends to have in Pattaya.

But here Drew Noyes begins to lose a bit of contact with reality. If the allegations are true and should a certain type of shenanigans be tried on with the wrong Russian… Of course the fact that half of them are spelled wrong in Cyrillic could make an aggressor laugh too hard to do any harm. (Note to Drew Noyes: will help you with your homework.)
(Паттайятаиланд.com or Pattaya Thailand)
(Паттайятайланд.com or Pattaya Thailand)
(Русскаяпаттайятаиланд.com or Russian Pattaya Thailand)
(Русскаяпаттайятайланд.com or Russian Pattaya Thailand)

And not neglecting our friends in northern Asia who probably wish to be mostly reassured, mostly…
(리케이션.net Korean for Application)
(企业应用.net Chinese for Enterprise Applications)
(タイ王国パッタヤー.com Japanese for Pattaya Thailand)
(コンピュータアプリケーション.com Japanese for Computer Applications)

Then — in for a penny, in for a pound — why not go ahead and name-squat the domain for the political party that can only get itself elected in Chonburi because (and we will stop there and just invite you to click this link for the Phalang Chon Party on Wikipedia then look at the names and do your homework. It will help to know this, too).

(Note to Drew Noyes: There are people who buy and sell small-time operators a hundred times a day… They don’t ask; they take. They don’t warn; they act.)
(พรรคพลังชล.com Thai for Phalang Chon Party)

And finally, because Thailand is a place where you reinvent yourself (and doesn’t a bolus of dung reinvent itself as soil in a manner of speaking?)

If you, dear reader, find more domains that belong to the most-Drummonded American to ever talk himself up in Thailand, please drop them into the comments section.

Edit: 21 April 2012 – It seems Andrew Drummond was “sucked” into the Drew Noyes domain zeitgeist at about the same time.


Drew Noyes vs. Kenneth Ng

7 April 2012 2 comments

In the interest of fairness one must always get down to the facts and this is especially true when attempting any sort of side by side comparison. This stricture must apply — if one proceeds with scrupulous intent — even when faced with an odious determination; which kind of scum at the bottom of the barrel is less noisome? Which breed of dog’s feces would you most (or least) like to wipe from your shoe?

Thus it is left to you dear reader to draw your own conclusions, but wouldn’t Thailand be better off without either?

Drew Noyes Kenneth Ng
Likes them young Likes them a little too young
Lures Filipinas with false promises Repels students with boring lectures
Pretends to be a lawyer Pretends to be an educator
Has been served with a restraining order Has difficulty ordering lunch
History of legal troubles History of “bedroom troubles”
Jumps into photos with famous people Famous for jumpy photos
Andrew Drummond’s whipping boy Everybody’s whipping boy
Has a website with self-aggrandizing drivel Has a website with sock-puppets
Claims to have royal awards May have eaten at Burger King
Used to run a bar in Pattaya Is mad at a bar in Bangkok
Most devoted fan is himself Most devoted fan is a conspiracy theorist
Picks fights with his critics Picks up Thai girls at temples
Originally from North Carolina Resembles the former leader of North Korea

Westerners Street or Washout Way?

16 April 2011 3 comments

A bit of hilarity courtesy of the AFP and the less-than-thorough Rachel O’Brien.

Westerners follow Thai brides to live in hard-up northeast

“It doesn’t matter whether you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’ve got spew hanging out of your mouth or whatever else, there’s some lady here who will want to take care of you,” Justin says with a grin.

Justin, please come to grips with the fact that your primary appeal, if the odds hold, is your bank balance.

“The ladies here are the most beautiful girls in Thailand, Isaan ladies, and money-wise too — it’s cheaper here to live than it is in other places like Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket,” Justin said, referring to the capital and two top tourist resorts.

Gotta wonder what exactly put those places on the map for you,  Mr Raines. Please say golf; we could use a good laugh. The next contestant, Mr Behnke, perhaps provides a bit more insight:

Ronnie said he “hit it off” with his 26-year-old wife in the southeastern resort of Pattaya seven years ago, where he was on holiday and she worked as a housemaid, but he found his first visit to the northeast something of a shock.

Housemaid: an honorable cash-based profession which leaves no traces, and very convenient explanation if you don’t want your enamorata’s visa application knocked back over an involvement in other cash-based professions such as Pattaya can offer…

Ronnie hopes the farm will boost the village’s economy, and he also offers advice to Western visitors on Isaan culture in his role as a volunteer with the tourist police — authorities he reckoned it helps to have on side.

Did you get a shiny badge, too, Ronnie? And a spiffy uniform like the boys in Pattaya? Have they promised that you’ll be Gauleiter of Isaan? Ronnie, never trust a Thai cop.

“I mean, how smart do you have to be to realise that this could be a bit of a trap?” said John Burdett, a British lawyer-turned-novelist who has extensively interviewed Isaan bar girls in Bangkok for his books.
Burdett said Thai-Western marriages could, however, work “fantastically well” — and often provide a financial lifeline for the woman’s family — if couples have the right approach.
“It’s a question of both parties, especially the men, understanding that this is a very different culture and if you want a long-term relationship you’re going to have to understand the culture,” he said.

Having read one of the author’s works the most lasting impression was one of profound gratitude that it was a loaner rather than a purchase. There’s no need to debate the painful factual errors found in works of fiction when it’s all too easy for the writer to claim embellishment for dramatic purposes. Let it suffice here to say that Burdett’s work, like so many of the Thai bar-girl novelists, is in the main a steaming pile of… embellishments.

But Burdett does surprisingly fail to miss the mark in one regard, and provides a hint: “Especially the men”. In short, it’s the male Westerner who will be doing the compromising in almost everything. The hours you keep, the places you go, the clothes you wear, the purchases you make; your Thai bride has it all planned for you.

You’ve been spotted, farang. Spotted hunched over a beer slowly-sipped in Soi Sampanthamit (Westerners Street) and the sad bar/guesthouses of Udon Thani and elsewhere, waiting for your wife to come and berate you then drag you home to the amusement of all. Spotted in the village with your beer gut spilling out between your cheap singlet and your sarong, you having lost contact with reality and mistaken your drinking buddies for friends. Spotted blindly thinking that your spending power somehow equates to prestige or even respect, and that your new family thinks of you as anything but a meal-ticket, and that your circle of expat buddies are actually people that matter.

Your delusions are understandable. You failed at life in the West — probably never understanding why — and found a measure of solace between a Thai girl’s legs. Your business of course, but we’re having a good laugh at your expense. What is regrettable is the crap that has followed in your wake, the mediocrity of a slice-of-Pattaya like Udon’s Day and Night Complex and others. Time was when Udon and the other big towns of Isaan were a good adventure for the monger and now it’s all just so much prepackaged crap aimed at the Least Common Denominator: you.

Club Electric Blue Recruiting Whores on

18 December 2010 9 comments

This makes a new low mark for humanity. Well, no, for Thai go-go bar owners who are, as a rule, sub-human to start with, possessing a Neanderthal intelligence and the moral fiber of a sea slug.

A little background is in order for the unwashed… is a second-tier social networking site, but with a redeeming feature, namely their Pets game. To succeed, as a rule, you have to cheat, so this space set up a few fake profiles using random hot-sexy-nasty images of Asian babes, and fake profile data including designating Thailand as the profile country.

Fast forward to today when multiple accounts began getting “Friend requests” from a profile belonging to a user called “Electrice B”. (Would love to give you a link, but after being reported, no doubt within mere minutes by numerous users, the account was marked as Cancelled.)

But the precaution was taken to screenshot that profile…

Club Electric Blue, a shitty Patpong go-go bar, trolls looking for new whores.

Club Electric Blue, a shitty Patpong go-go bar, trolls looking for new whores.

Yahoo accounts are, of course, the hallmark of a First Class Operation. Don’t you just love the feeling of trust and legitimacy that inspires?

Meanwhile, bop on over to the Club Electric Blue website, specifically their contact page ( — oh boy! More Yahoo accounts! Can the ever-expanding respect for such a high-class operation possibly be contained?

Take a moment, won’t you, to use all of those email links and let them know what royal pieces of shit the owners of that bar and their webmaster really are? Maybe pick up the phone, give them a ring, and let them know just how you feel?

And if you happen to be in Patpong, please go no closer to Club Electric Blue than it take to throw a dead cat through their window.

This space can only hope that their scattershot approach also happened to piss off the daughters of a few well-placed Thais and we can garner the lulz of a major shit-storm in the coming weeks.

On Flare-Ups, Failures and Facts

26 April 2010 6 comments

This previous week marked the near-total implosion of Big Baby Kenny, both the dubious website and the author, Professor Kenneth Ng of California State University at Northridge.

The absence of the website is little loss and the general consensus is that the internet has gotten marginally smarter by its erasure. Although there are questionable retrospective-cum-appreciations already in circulation, one is left wondering why it’s worth anyone’s time to remark at length upon it.

BBK was a site with an abominable presentation, poor writing and a factual basis that varied from poor to so jaw-droppingly inaccurate it recalled the famous remark of Wolfgang Pauli: “it’s not even wrong”.

These defects would have doomed the site over the long haul, or at least confined it to the internet version of vanity press, but Ng unwisely accelerated the process with a very high-profile battle with the owners and manager of the Big Mango Bar and their blog.

Ng’s great mistakes were three: losing control of the scope of the argument and verging into manufacturing information rather than discovering it, failing to secure his own position, and letting his ego get in the way of prudent judgement.

For these reasons and more, the situation echoes the past contretemps between Keith Summers (his John Galt act and his website now on an apparently indefinite hiatus) and Paul Owen (whose Stickman persona and website have settled into an irrelevant senescence akin to a faded late-career Bernard Trink).

While this has been remarked upon elsewhere, the conclusion that Ng’s efforts were substantially similar to Summers’s (and as substantially ineffectual) can’t be supported.

Ng continues, by posting justifications for the former content of his website, to battle to save his job and substantial salary. CSUN administration for its part seems content to put the matter to rest, and absent a second wave of media coverage focusing on Ng’s documentable misuse of state resources, he will probably succeed. For the time being, Kenneth Ng still has his position, but his tilt with the Big Mango has had a very lopsided outcome (which is a sanitised way of saying abject failure) and may result in his dismissal.

By contrast, if indications are correct, Summers’s campaign seems to have struck the target. Word is that Owen is now poison in the educational community in Thailand, although if pressed the concern is usually phrased less in terms of his website content and instead focuses on the quality of his teaching credentials — some liken them to the sort of thing you get during a walk down Khao San Road or 4 to 6 weeks after sending a dollar and two box-tops to a post office box in Battle Creek, Michigan.

None of the four main parties in these two situations are without blame…

For their part Ng and Summers thoroughly failed at the tasks of information security regarding themselves and their real-life endeavours. And they committed the sin of letting themselves drift away from a factual, clinical approach into one of misrepresentations in service of personal vengeance. Summers ultimately went to court because of his indiscretions and Ng’s crucifixion in the court of public opinion may still intensify.

In viewing both Stickman and Big Baby Kenny it is perfectly correct that broader questions have been asked about whether it is appropriate for anyone involved with education (especially of minors) to be at the same time involved with the very adult nightlife scene here, and whether their behavior is in compliance with community standards and the terms of their employment.

And as for the Big Mango and Stickman as the putatively aggrieved parties, it really is difficult to feel at all sympathetic. When setting yourself up in business you must make certain factual disclosures on the public record. And when one becomes a celebrity — particularly when it is done voluntarily as a commentator or blogger — one must accept that fame comes with a price. And that goes beyond criticism right through to being named and enduring some ugly threats.

(In the Big Mango’s defense, they did attempt to “extend the olive” branch at one point, to quote one insider there. They were rebuffed as Ng took their efforts as a show of weakness. That however only covers the disinformation being spread about them, not disclosure of the factual essence of their ownership and management structure which some weak minds conflate with “outing”.)

With these thoughts in mind, and yet undeterred, in the coming weeks and months we’re going to be telling you a lot more than you ever thought you’d know about Thailand and especially the nightlife scene and the players in it.

It is never useless to repeat the words of Paul Fussell — “What someone doesn’t want you to publish is journalism; all else is publicity.” MongerSEA will put this principle into action.

Red vs Yellow = More Pink

23 April 2010 1 comment

When most people think of Thailand, the two things that come to mind first are golf and scuba diving. This is a fabrication of course, because if there’s two things Thailand has long been most famous for it is most certainly the ready availability of hookers and never-ending political unrest.

Now that the pro-Thaksin Team Red has been takin’ it to the streets for a few weeks — dragging the pro-power Royal Thai Army and pro-money Royal Thai Police around by the nose like a pet farang being led to some dusty Isaan village — and with the pro-themselves Team Yellow dogging their steps, another nail has been driven into the coffin of Thailand’s tourism industry.

With the decline in overall visitor numbers, this so-called “crisis” has hit the bars and the bargirls hard. Some of the ladies have called it quits and gone home, but among those who stayed behind, most have slashed their prices.

There’s no reason to bullshit you and suggest it’s the good old days of the Vietnam War era again, and that girls will be shagging you, cooking your meals and doing your laundry for a week and will be happy with a carton of Camel straights for their trouble.

But it’s a fact that many girls are now happy with half of their pre-crisis asking price and quality of service remains unaffected (though you may have to watch the Thai TV news in your room rather than the other sopa operas and fictional programs).

That’s fine on the face of it, but there’s no need to stop there. Why pay at all when a bit of creative thinking and a little sensitivity to the realities of life in Troubled Thailand can have you pulling virtual freebies?

Consider Red Team, spending day after day engaged in long marches alternated with hunkering down in their fortified compound. Among them are many of the same type of up-country farm girls you’d find in Bangkok’s gogo bars, but in this instance all hot and sweaty from their day-long reforming exertions.

Just imagine how well it’s going to play if you round up a passel of these sun-burnt, rustic firebrands and offer them the hospitality of your hotel suite. The enticements of a shower, clean towels, a soft bed (things you are paying for anyway and might as well leverage!) should prove irresistible.

And if you were to hint at a shoulder rub and maybe the use of your washer and dryer, the smart money says they’d be on you in a heartbeat. They can start the revolution without you! (Unless it’s the sexual revolution and this time they’ll be calling you Generalissimo as well as Daddy.)

(Bearing in mind that some of the readership might prefer a less time-consuming approach, other strategies can still be found. Consider that just dropping off even a few bottles of drinking water and a couple of bags of sticky rice and mango or fried insects might get you some discrete oral service in a quiet corner of the bunker.)

When it comes to dealing with the distaff membership of Team Yellow, please keep in mind that these are more urbane types, city folks with a modicum of taste and refinement. And among them you’ll find many fair-skinned beauties as well as some fine looking older women with gym-toned bodies.

But deep down they’re still women, and all the counter-protesting will have them rabid and randy and high as a kite with hormones. All you have to is present yourself smartly (and we mean without a beer gut protruding from a stained singlet as well as using a sensible approach) and the gals will largely take it from there.

Just apply the general PUA techniques of making the girls from Team Yellow feel you’ve got a common viewpoint with them: Brown people are supposed to be slaves, Thaksin is evil and sex is so much better when you might get your leg blown off by an RPG at any moment.

And speaking of appendages and appliances, the Yellow girls can be real wildcats in the sack despite their more sophisticated upbringings. So ask her to bring a few sets of those famous hand-clappers and be ready to experiment when the two of you hit the sheets.

Finally, this space would be remiss if we didn’t remind you to keep a thought for the green and brown teams and all those tasty army and police babes. While standing a watch over the disobedient little people might be morally preferable to servicing her boss to get her next promotion, it’s sure to be physically and mentally exhausting. So she’s going to be that much more suggestible to your offers of some TLC.

The Army and Police have fitness standards, and sensibly hire and promote based on looks like so many organizations here. You can be confident that there’s a body worth protecting under that body armor; she just needs your guidance to make her feel like a real woman again.

So many great opportunities can present themselves, even in the trenches. For example, not many days ago, Team Red sent many Buddhist monks to the front lines in response to a threatened baton charge. The authorities responded by sending female soldiers and cops to the front lines and the monks retreated because it’s not permitted for them to allow a woman to touch them.

Should a replay of this scenario occur, it’s a golden opportunity for the smart G-girler to step in and benefit when the monks step aside. As your target Thai Army girl or policewomen steps forward with her hands raised, it’s time to shove Phra Somchai behind you — elbow him in the face if you must, but preserve his mojo at all costs! Thai culture must be respected!

Then with your new paratrooper paramour in front of you, embrace her tightly and don’t let go. We all know how to cop a feel, but how would it feel to cop a feel from a cop? If she tries to cuff you, it’s just foreplay. Whisper sweetly in her ear to let her know exactly what you’ve got in mind.

This is a win for some many: those who like it a little rough, the uniform fetishists and particularly the exhibitionists because every camera will be on you. Just try getting that kind of ego boost and overall value anywhere on the Reservation with Big Whitey.

In closing we have to remind everyone that you need to be careful in what you do and say as you go mongering. And this is particularly true when passing barricades and checkpoints.

There’s no need to be cock-blocked just because you encounter someone with a badge, firearm or cudgel. Simply breeze by them with a smile (the essential currency of Thailand), a nod and a loud, proud statement: “I’m just here for the sex!”

That will let them know just where they stand — they’ll back down when they understand that you can be every bit as doctrinaire as they — gain you “face”, and admit you to a world of pleasures unknown to the benighted slobs in the farang ghetto.

Watch Out for Kiwi Journos

25 March 2010 7 comments

It has been learned that a reporter/producer from the 3News’s program 60 Minutes in New Zealand has been sniffing around to several of the farang private investigators in Bangkok and Pattaya.

The reporter in question, Sarah Hall (photo below), has been asking for help on doing a story, purportedly in an exposé style, on sex-tourism and prostitution in the Kingdom, on the oh-so-dreadful and coerced life of the average bar-girl, and on the Kiwi guys (oppressors! opportunists!) who patronize the girl scene here.

It is apparently on the agenda of the production team — who are arriving in Thailand at the end of this week — to do secret filming in and around bars, the more salacious the better. Thus gogos and some of the beer bar complexes are obvious targets.

If you’re out for some fun and happen to see them, why not say hello, be a nuisance and make sure they don’t get any useful footage? Otherwise just be on the look-out for one or more guys with New Zealand accents who seem to care a bit too much about a shoulder bag or knapsack of medium to large size.

If you’re a bar owner, make sure you’ve got your “No Video” signs up, and grab their equipment if you can. They apparently do not have work permits or film production licenses to be doing this, so your cop friends can handle them with no problems.

Your security guys and servers should in particular be looking for guys who leave a bag beside them, positioned so it would have a clear line of sight to the main action such as your dance stage.

Punters and publicans, please help give this alert the widest possible distribution. None of us wants to be on camera as we have our fun, or give the sensationalist media any help in attacking our recreational choices or livelihoods, do we?

* * *

In preparing to release this information for general consumption, eight notable local private investigators were contacted and invited to comment. In general, no is talking for the record, not even the bar-girl investigator and commentator with the obvious New Zealand connection.

One who did answer, but asks not to be identified, stated that his organization was profoundly concerned that if any investigator did consent to Hall’s request for an interview, or worse for a “ride-along” on an active investigation, the consequences could be very bad.

One can understand why — once the video is in the can and Hall is in the editing bay, there’s no telling how things might be spun. Nobody wants a repeat of the “Big Trouble in Thailand” fiasco, especially a professional community where a bit of secrecy and anonymity are indispensable.

Another PI was kind enough to give some background on discrete camera work, and feels that having a film crew tag along on a live case would be an unforgivable breach of ethics. He suggests than any local investigator cooperating with an undertaking like that would probably be cutting his own throat in the long haul.

* * *

And for those here for a bit of fun, doing no real harm to anyone, who would simply rather not be in the glare of the international media spotlight, might this not best summarize their thoughts: Sarah, aren’t there more important things for real journalists to be doing with their time?

Sure, your employer wants eye-catching footage so they can grab maximum advertising revenue, but isn’t that what war zones are for? Are there no more orphans at whom you might point your cameras, and towards whom you might direct your urges to help and heal?

During your limo ride to your expense-account hotel suite, perhaps you deigned to notice those people with colorful shirts contesting for their vision of a future for their homeland? Know you anything of rice prices, of landmines, of droughts and drugs, of anything of real concern here in the Kingdom and the region?

Yes, Thai society is rather broken, and yes, that does in a small measure impel girls to the bars. But there’s nothing new in it for you, Sarah, and you’ll be going over some very well-trodden ground far below the norm as per your bio. This is a non-story and you may well end up doing far more harm than good in ways you can’t even anticipate.

Reporter Sarah Hall: